I'll start of with the daddy of gaming: COD. The twitchy shooter that makes LSD look like a relaxing beach-hut holiday. Quite frankly if you add in any more melodramatic explosions we could be in danger of thinking that we need Michael Bay at all. It's campaign is ludicrous and it's online multiplayer a downright travesty of bandwidth.
So, lets peel the rotten, worm-infested, ticking-time-bomb of an onion that is the campaign. Once more you are put on two separate timelines, one following the now big time fugitives, Price and Soap, easily confused with an ITV3 mid-morning detective show, who are able to take down what ever the government's military might throw at them. Which in this case means a combined effort of army, navy and air force supplying all the most up-to-date and slightly-ahead-of-our-time weaponry in order to obliterate them off the map. However they now have the back-up of some rebel Russians hell bent on doing something, to somebody. Quite frankly the plot is so loosely tied together a 3 year old could have done a better job with pritt stick. In fact a 3 year old would have done better writing it. (Something that could be said, and I believe I have said, about the entire COD franchise.) On the other narrative we are put in the shoes of Derrek, a man who name shows that Infinity Ward are down to the bottom of the cool-commando-name-barrel. I wish I could tell you what his narrative was but quite frankly I don't remember and nor do I care, that how bad this game is. You seem to be on a conveyor belt that shows you pretty explosion after pretty explosion while in or around vehicles, shooting at anything that moves while you watch some family get nerve-gassed to death. (Spoiler alert). The entire thing is beyond sub-par and quite frankly we need to plead with Infinity Ward to put down the bat and stop beating the crap out of a smelly, rotten, half-eaten corpse of a horse.
And the multiplayer can be summed up fairly easily: utter, monumental, colossal crud with a garnish of annoyance and flavours of hormonal 13 year old lads running round calling everyone else a 'fag'. The whole thing is beyond crap, it's spawn system places you staring down the barrel of the person that just killed you, if not down the barrel of one of their equally trigger happy teammates. Every gun deals a gazillion damage per bullet to people who seems to catch death from oxygen, and take damage from tripping over pebbles, and as such the only way you stand a chance of going positive is if your host and therefore when you shoot YOU HIT THEM!
To be honest you could add something to what I said earlier, once the bat is down find your precious M4 and turn it on your beloved COD Infinity Ward, because, quite frankly, it's kinder if we put it out of it's misery now than to let it suffer. A 3.5 out 10.
J Stanley
No comments:
Post a Comment