News For Week 26/09-02/10 2011

To start off this week brought us the Battlefield 3 beta, which despite being as jumpy as a badger on crack looks like a very enjoyable game, and does seem to have some ability to finally kill COD, but won't because of how many 13 year olds will get MW3 anyway. It seems more balanced and actually more controlled, fun and actually makes you work in a team in order to survive and win, as you would in real war and not run into your 6" by 6" room with an ak74-u and spin on the spot certain to win. The beta is now open to everyone after some time being only accessible to medal of honor owners and origin users.

Also in Battlefield 3 news, DICE/EA have released a new online service to track stats called battlelog. Can't help but see a connection to something else. Surely Activision are already doing this with something else, some sort of fish franchise, haddock or cod or something. Still, regardless of my poor puns you get the sense that EA are so determined to steal the Call of Duty market that they not only copy everything they do marketing wise but then put their fingers in their ears and say in a harsh loud voice "What? Call of Duty already said they were doing that?  It's called Elite? Never heard of it! lalalalalalalala". Spoken like the children they are. However surely they must realise that their game is better because anyone with a modicum of sense switches to it while all the annoying 'noob-tubing' 13 year olds stay with Call of Duty so they can call each other fags a lot.

In other news Star Wars: The Old Republic has finally gotten a release date of December 20th for the US, and December 22nd for the EU. Unfortunately it will be a montly fee payment which makes me less inclined to purchase the game. For 1 month it will cost you $14.99, 3 months is $13.99 and 6 months is $12.99. Now quite frankly if you can get the most amount of time for the least amount of money why the hell would you buy any other time frame? And why have 1 month, if you seriously planned to only play it for 1 month why bother. Still, looking forward to seeing what this game is actually like.

In other news Rage will be on 3 discs for xbox 360 users, 2 of which are single-player and the third is entirely multi-player. If that seems excessive then i'm thankful I'm a) not a PC player and b) not interested in this game anyway because it is looking to being a huge 20GB download. I'll stick to my mac and also, stick to gaming on my xbox.


There's going to be a Dead Space 3!......... Possibly. It's rumoured but not officially announced so keep your eyes open but don't get your hopes up totally yet, although it is highly plausible. If it is true there saying it will have planet levels. But remember these are rumours. Speculation. So don't quote me on it.


L.A. Noire on P.C.! Not like it's four months late, and won't be on P.C. until November. Well better late than never I guess Bondi. Bondi? BONDI!? Oh yeah, Rockstar shut them down last month. Bummer. Guess it is too late then.


And a quick couple of lines of other news: Team Fortress now has a free to play arcade game, Dead Island could have a movie made of it, produced from that guy who brought you the mummy and in even more Battlefield news, yes you thought we were through with that, no I'm not a fanboy honest, they are having a $1.6 million Battlefield 3 tournament next year. Um, EA, please, please, stop trying to copy a company that is ultimately worse than you. Thank you.


And the major game release is of course Gear of War 3. I hope to have a review up of it soon, however there will be no multi-player review of it due to a lack of xbox live at the moment. However we did get a bit of news about it, the first DLC will feature totally new characters to the GOW franchise.


So, EA wants to be Activion, Rage is huge, The Old Republic seems to be real, and Dead Space 3... might be.


Until next week...


J Stanley

My Articles

Thus concludes my reviews of my gaming library. From now on my articles will come in the form of a post every Sunday on the past weeks news in the gaming world. I hope you enjoy.

Comments are always welcome.
As are followers.

J Stanley

Mass Effect 2 Review

I went into Mass Effect 2 with no experience in Mass Effect 1 so it was almost a blind leap of faith, putting my trust in both the reviews out there on the internet as well as my friends judgement, but said friends aren't all always the best judges of such things, for example suggesting Assassin's Creed.

Yet, with reckless abandon I surged forward into the world of Commander Shepard and his alliance cohorts. I can report after completing the game twice over, one as a soldier and once as a infiltrator. Both times I found that the story was very entertaining and engaging. You first find yourself on the Normandy, a ship travelling in space, when it is suddenly attacked by what looks like the combination of spaceship and dog muck. You travel through the wreck of your vessel to rescue Seth Green because he's being a selfish annoying teenager and won't leave his seat, even though the entire vessel is likely to explode around him and crumble to dust. So you'll throw him into an escape pod in just enough time to wave him goodbye, shed a tear and let the growing ball of flames engulf you. You then watch as you fall lifeless to the planet below. All for Seth Green. Personally I would have left the cry baby where he was.

Anyway, the rest of the story takes place as you have swapped sides and joined the opposing fraction who have brought you back from the dead in a space aged montage that puts most sci-fi movies to shame. You head round the galaxy, going where you are told to do by 'The Illusive Man' who does as his name suggests, only poorly. He shows himself at the mere drop of hat, sat in a room, on the same chair, surrounded by holographic images, always smoking a cigar. Apparently either in the future we have eradicated lung cancer or the memo got lost in the hyperspace of galactic mail. However you can also visit other planets in other parts of the galaxy to collect resources by probing their surfaces. From this you can buy upgrades for your ship and weapons. You also head around collecting squad mates that you can use to aid you in the final battle against the collectors.

On my first play through I didn't think to upgrade my replacement Normandy ship and so blindly went into battle for the final mission having upgraded all the weapons as much as I could only to find that I really should have as half my team were dead before we even got near to the collector ship. And only two remained after we went through the ship. And all my crew who we needed to rescue from collectors died while making their escape so it was me and 2 others left to fight. 'I must have missed something' I thought so immediately selected to try the story again, swapping my class and this time visiting EVERY SINGLE planet in the galaxy and then upgrading EVERY SINGLE weapon to the maximum I possibly can. Once my ship's stats basically told me I would be able to wonder in to any battlefield unabated, kill everything in sight and still royally mess up an aliens day with only a meer scratch to both ship and ego, I decided it was time to once more march into the Mass Effect equivalent of Mordor. This time was a lot more successful, I was was able to take the full force of the enemies attacks with no damage to the crew, I then chose my squad mates more wisely and set about giving them the right roles to do. At the end we all regrouped, all squad and crew to the merry tune of bleep bloop as an achievement told me I had gained more gamerscore to add to my worthless score.

Yet after all my digressing I must say something that bothers me about this game, it was the best done of it's kind, but still bothers me, the speech system gives you a choice of various different responses each with a different attitude that helps you steer one way or the other, nice or nasty. However I would often find myself selecting what I would perceive to be a reasonable answer based on the small line of text given to you but Commander Shepard proceeds to let of a stream of child like talk that come fresh from is perfectly rounded arse. Thus making me nasty and thus making me feel like a total arsehole.

Which brings me to my only big issue with the game, quick time events. These are used in moments when you can either do an extremely nice or a violent and psychopathic response to the NPC in front of you. Now,  I see why they did it, but please Bioware, no more in number 3. Thank you.

An game that had me as hooked as Bioshock, must of course have the same rating, 9 out of ten. Immensely fun and engrossing.

J Stanley

Kung Fu Panda Review

The movie was the worst one Dreamworks have ever done. I'll open with that and see if you can guess were this review is going.


The game felt as if someone had taken a fleeting glance at the film and then thought, how can we make what is already a pile of crap even worse. Well I am happy to say they succeeded. It is the worst game I have ever had the misfortune to play. I only dared play the first level, for fear if I continued my brain would try to escape via my nostrils ancient Egyptian mummy style in a desperate plea for escape. The following is what I found while playing this level:

- A story that could have been better if I barfed alphabetic spaghetti onto a plate
- A camera that had a mind of it's own, with it's default being inverted, and to switch it you have to select 'invert' camera. Thus permanently confusing the children who play this garbage for the rest of their natural lives
- A combat system that was so easy I practically beat any enemy by spamming x, sometimes switching to y on larger opponents. There is a dodge move apparently, but I a) didn't learn it and b) didn't need to use it as the enemies dropped healing food all over the food like a 1 year old flailing his dinner all round the kitchen, so there is an even coating on every surface.
-Quick time events seem to be involved in this game, and quite frankly this is only added into the game if the developer realises there is nothing else you can possibly do otherwise in a game mechanic that sits in a corner, on a stool, wearing a dunce cap.

All in all though this is a kids game, made for kids who enjoyed the film, and some are genuinely entertained by this game, but it lacks the same fun and enjoyment factor for them as Lego Star Wars or Lego Indiana Jones. And that is paraphrased from a 8 year old.

Out of ten the best I can give the game is a 3. But that's if I was feeling nice. So it gets a 2. Possibly 1 if I'm made to play it another time.

J Stanley

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames Review

You blow everything up. Simple as.

This title does exactly what the name suggests. You will leave the world in flames. Now wait, you 13 year old pyromaniac, I have haven't finished yet. This game see you take on the role of a mercanary, whether that be mohawk white guy, stereotype black guy, or woman. From here you are dropped into Venezuela, because Middle East was just to over done, and then complete task for various factions that all seem to have been drawn to one lake in the middle of Venezuela. You have the big bad American oil company, the freedom fighters that are meant to be guerilla fighters but the amount of helicopters available for use with them suggests otherwise, the Jamaican pirates, a UN type peace keeping army, solely comprised of Americans that seems to have a hidden agenda to find peace through nuking the hell out of everything, also there is the Chinese army, because the Americans can't except the cold war is over and the Venezuelan army, who, simply for being the only ones who are meant to be doing the fighting, are always the enemy and you can never work with them, to my protest.

I spent most of my time on the freedom fighters who wanted to liberate Venezuela from their cruel American overloads in the form of the UP oil company. This was mainly as this meant blowing up oil stations, although this caused lack lustre results, with an explosion that could have gone unnoticed in the middle of Pride and Prejudice, and the UP get slightly annoyed at you, easily remedied by blowing up one of the opposing fractions trucks. Which brings me to a pointless thing, why incorporate a meter for measuring what allegiance a fraction is to you, when they let of fireworks and host all night booze ups at you if you do so much a cough at the enemy.

Another thing I liked to do was when I unlocked the part of the map with the UN vs Chinese war, localised to 3 streets it seems. You would blow up some missile launchers for the UN, meanwhile behind their backs your siding with the communists to stop the yanks in their tanks. Needless to say when a mini nuke blows up the UN base, with little effect other than loss of a small piece of map, which is irritating when you have to fly your helicopter around, I found it quite thrilling. Still, the Americans still fought I was on there side as took out a couple of high value targets, which seems to count anyone from generals to milkman. You can either kill them and photograph them, or knock them out, signal in an extraction via helicopter to remove the HVT, however before it gets in one of the never ending horde of fraction members, who have become quite annoyed by your exploits, have got a lucky shot in and killed their commander. At which point the pilot lands and tells you off for wasting his time.

Despite all of this I found the experience rather a good way to let off some steam, and it's always fun to buy a helicopter and blow people to kingdom come, or use the winch to pick up civilan cars and toss them into the ocean/drop them from 50,000 feet.

I give the game 7.5 out of 10. A great amount of explosive fun, but a story that was written by someone watching every Jason Statham, Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel film and decided to vomit the scripts onto a C.E.O.'s lap.

J Stanley

Lego: Indiana Jones Review

I have always been a fan of Lego, specifically Star Wars Lego, and have spent many a day building X-Wings, the Millennium Falcon, Star Destroyers etc. and so my childhood became totally filled, as did my bedroom, with the plastic blocks that inspired me to create. And as such when Lego Star Wars released I snapped up the oppurtuntiy and spent many a happy hour on my PS2 playing the game through with my brother. Granted that was six years ago and entertainment for an eleven year old is slightly easier to sort out, just make it simple. Since then I became a fan of the Indiana Jones series and so with the release of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Lego decided to release a game based on that.

It was one of the three games that came bundled with our Xbox 360, along with Halo 3 and the adaptation of Kung Fu Panda. By then I had grown up somewhat and so Lego wasn't that appealing to me in the first place any more and the game seemed to be exactly the same. Unappealing.

The story is a watered down tale of Indiana Jones's movies with out the death, or if there has to be done in such a way that it becomes comical and innocent. I remember trying it out with my younger sister, thinking it would hold the same amusement that my and my brother shared when we were younger with the star wars iteration but it was not to be. Instead of finding family happy time I became furious at the controls and the spawn system. Should you die it respawn you instantly next to your partner who, should it be A.I. or close to the cliff, instantly makes you fall to your death again without any means to over ride the event yourself.

Replaying back a couple of years later, and after having anger management classes and rehab for insane psychopathic gamers, I replayed the first level to refresh my memory for this review, and it isn't that bad. I mean, it's a kid game so won't have me hooked and I imagine it does better on a family orientated console like the wii but its got that factor that kids love and are happy to replay again and again. Lego seems to know what they are doing with these types of games. It is not something I would play too often but as a bit of fun for younger children it is up there with Lego: Star Wars and watching stupid, annoying, Disney cartoons that make any slightly mature person's eyes bleed.

6 out of 10

J Stanley

Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood Review

My guilty pleasure has always been the Assassin's Creed series, but more specifically those with Ezio Auditore da Firenze. I remember borrowing Assassin's Creed 1 from a friend of mine and became generally quite interested in the unique setting and story the game had to offer, but became in some a frenzied rage over the game controls that I gave up on it. When they released the sequel I was hesitant to try it out, but once more I borrowed it from a mate and I was thrilled to see that most of the kinks had been worked out. The free-running system in number II had its issues but it was always fun to run over Venice rooftops before leaping from a roof top and shoving your hidden blades, both of them, into the non-expectant skulls of the patrolling gaurds. Ubisoft carries on the story of Ezio Auditore in the 3rd game in the series, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. It leaves off exactly were number II left off story wise and also this time includes and online multiplayer, but we'll get to that in a minute.

The story starts off with the standard 'training' section. First you learn to climb and use eagle vision, in it's simplest forms of course. I realise it is for new comers to the series to learn the basic controls and physics of the game but the majority of players will be returning the series after dedicated use of previous titles, yes you we need to learn new skills they have been added to this game but please offer a way to skip training sections, or leave it in a different tutorial section. I remember Assassin's Creed I had that annoying tutorial section, but because the controls were as intuitive to use as vomit this became more of annoyance to try and gentle push through a crowd without knocking the pots of their heads only to watch as in a rip tide domino effect your character decides what you wanted to do was practically throw the civilian into Saturn's orbit and so his and everyone else clay pots fall to the floor in a cascade of mocking sounds of broken china. This was more annoying than Brotherhood as at least they incorporated it into the story somewhat.

Throughout the journey of Ezio in his new home, Renaissance Rome, he has to rebuild Rome using his money, complete side quests for his thief, mercenary and courtesan comrades and train up recruits to the assassin's order. All while destroying war machines Leonardo di Vinci has made for the enemy and only you can destroy them, and your reward for stopping these bomber gliders, naval cannons, tanks and horse drawn machine gun? A parachute. If I were Ezio I would cut off his gonads there and then. However each mission gives you extra florins which is useful, this way you are able to purchase better armour and weapons, bigger pouches for your gear etc. etc.. To unlock some of the items though you have to collect items located in 'hidden' treasure boxes around Rome. Now, Romans have to be the least organised and most careless people in all the world. Jewelled Headress were carelessly left for anyone to walk over and steal. As I took advantage of, often, and always.

It's at this point that me must question, what type of character is Ezio? Is he a liberator? A shining beacon for all to follow? An unquestionable leader that, yes, may kill one or two hundred people every now and then, but is doing it for the right reasons? Or is it he's a mass murdering psychopath, thief and con man? Of course he isn't the latter because that would defeat the whole purpose of a story that has been generally thought out and is gripping, with a shock ending and gameplay that is fun, original, addictive and quite frankly fabulous.

However, I think the online multiplayer was this games downfall. It is ill-thought out and is about as enjoyable as watching High School Musical, followed by listening to the audio-book of twilight read by Joe Pasquale. I became infuriated by it, you would try and assassinate your target but you would be aerial assassinated out of nowhere and have to watch in slow motion your humiliating death. Or be shot from the hidden gun, across map, with insane accuracy. Or poisoned. And the animations are un-skippable, so when assassinating your target guess who creeps up, like a minecraft creeper, tells you "that's a very nice life you have there", before stopping on your face. It was as balanced as an ice skating weasel on acid. I think if they are going to include it in Revelations they need to seriously rethink and completely overhaul it. Or just stick to what had us hooked originally, the thing Ubisoft does extremely well, create a great, original singleplayer mode.

Out of ten this gets an 8. Good singleplayer, multiplayer still in infancy and needs to develop more first. 

J Stanley

Minecraft Review

My only real experience into PC gaming came in the form of Minecraft. If you do not know this game yet, own it, or god forbid, you haven't heard of it, you should beat yourself with an iron pickaxe now. Afterwards google it and research. I'll wait for you to do so.








Long enough. Now, I can get down to business and that is discussing this 'game'. It is currently only in beta, so technically not a full game as of yet so is hard to comment on it without risking sounding like a complete fool in the next month as someone tells me that they fixed one of my issues with such and such. Well, you'll have to look at it as it stands now. Right now it's originality wears off rather quickly. Yes it is fun to build various creations in the world of minecraft and you can install mods that extend the originality of the game, and it has a retro feel with huge pixels, but it now just sits as an icon on the bottom of my screen looking hopefully at me as if to say 'play with me like you used to, I get so lonely',  well, give me a good story and some gameplay that isn't super repetitive and I'll show you love.

Yet, despite all of this the game does have a certain charm which after a while draws you back in, it's curiously addictive and simple that you have to open a piece of your heart to it. At which point it laughs in your naive face and mocks you for crawling back on your hands and knees, pleading it to take you back, you were wrong and should never have let it go.

When later patches and the full game are released later the year adding some sort of 'story' aspect to the game I will look again at the game and see if it has potential to be a great game. But right now, its still developing. A teenager that has mood swings, feels free to try new things, allowing you to alter its programming with mods. (Thus kinda of like drug abuse, ok it's a loose reference, try really hard and you'll get there.)

Out of 10 I give the current state of Minecraft a 6. It shows promise, is addicting, but not really sure of the reason why.

All is left to do is salute and say I am Dave! yognaut.

J Stanley

Bioshock 2 Review

After Bioshock 1 hit with such critical success, Bioshock 2 had to live up to a huge hype. And I am happy to report, even if I am a bit late to the game, that it just about has succeeded. Instead of the faceless lifeless human male you played as in the 1st iteration, you take up the role of a prototype big daddy in search of his daughter Eleanor, a little sister, one of the being splicers will try and harvest adam from. (A splicer being one of the hellish residents of Rapture.) You also have a new villian and new enemy called a big sister. The sequel also included online multiplayer, something that I felt was missing from the first title.

Now, as always I have to start ranting, this time with where was these big sisters in the past? All splicers seem to have a fear for them as if they have always been a threat. Ok, fine the story is flawless, I'm just trying to find holes in it. They were parts were the gameplay was repetitive but I was never bored and I enjoyed it more than Bioshock 1. The addition of dual wielding plasmids and weapons makes the game flow easier and it all seems smooth and polished. However, Multiplayer makes it slip up somewhat.

The Multiplayer feels like the campaign, but with more hackers and with toned down weapons and un responsive plasmids. It has a Call of Duty style selection for choosing your weapons and plasmids of choice. However I feel that the more powerful plasmids are only accessible at the higher levels so I became a human punch bag for level 20's and higher. Yet still, it's an enjoyable game to play, although not quite addicting enough and I often found myself bored while playing.

The story is one of the best I've ever come across and I can barely hold my praise for it, however they needed to look  more into the multiplayer.

Out of 10 this gets a 9. If they had just made multiplayer more entertaining it would have been a perfect game.

J Stanley

Bioshock Review

Bioshock was a game that intrigued me even before playing. It had a lot of hype and fuss about it, and really I originally couldn't understand why. This opinion was white washed away fairly soon after playing. Put simply it was a beautifully done game, despite a lack of multiplayer.

The story was well thought out and one akin to many in that you became the nameless, faceless character whose motives have two paths that lead to two distinct endings, or a third one that is neither here nor there and is based off a moral choice system. Do I harvest or save the little girl that I hold in my hands so I can have some Adam? Of course you save her. Unless your like 99% of those who play in which case you see pixels on the screen and so have no issue slicing her open. But lets have a look deeper at this, you are a man who has just been involved in a plane crash, found a tower in the middle of the ocean that has lead you to what has to be a terrifying sight, especially if you are claustrophobic or have rabies, a city underwater, named Rapture, that seems to be abandoned, except from that guy who is slicing his meat hook hands into the abdomen of that guy. Yet none of this induces any shock or fear your faceless husk of a man and yet carries on. You then find a weird needle filled with an unusual liquid. Now, would you a) inject and hope for the best b) inject as your a druggie and are always looking for a new high or c) go f**k that, leave it alone, head back to the lift that brought u here and return to the surface and await rescue. If you have a modicum of common sense you will answer c, except your playing a game so have to carry on. 

Yet, even with these faults, I found the game thoroughly enjoyable and it has a plot twist that I loved, and was unexpected. It's a game I couldn't step away from, I would rush my meals in order to carry on the journey of the emotionless man and his hunt for adam and eve (not actually people but items I should add) and to stop the evil going ons of Rapture. Very well done.

An easy 9 out of 10.

Now fetch me a golf club and would you kindly become a follower?

J Stanley

Guitar Hero 4: World Tour Review

Guitar Hero has always been a game franchise I have always enjoyed because I have always aspired to be a guitarist myself, however this is an aspiration I have so far failed to achieve. I may own a guitar but my knowledge of playing doesn't extend that far. And thus Guitar Hero homes into my vision promising to make me a guitar god within the hour. And I accept it's challenge. And immediately get annoyed that I can't play expert so it takes all of Guitar Hero 3 to get me up to medium. So I went into Guitar Hero 4 with careless abandon thinking it would throw my efforts back in my face, by no, trying on expert Linkin Park's What I've Done proved an easy stroll in the park with myself being able to master in a couple of tries.

This iteration also included another controller for bass, a drum kit and microphone for talentless singers to be Mick Jagger for the evening. I found I was hopeless at drums, so bad at singing I had death threats from not only neighbors but also my own family and wasn't allowed to play lead that often so my experience was mainly comprised of playing bass guitar. It was an interesting experience being the forgotten one of bands, seeing as you actually felt forgotten as the guitarist had solos and an hard fought time to hit the notes, the singer got to be front man with everyone noticing them, unless the lead got yet another solo, the drummer got praise for keeping the beat well, but I just sat back flicking my the strum bar every now and then, when ever the game remembers you, and the notes seems to change once in a blue moon.

I shall not comment on the online portion of the game, as it is just like offline, only you have some stranger putting you to shame, forcing you to eat the guitar and your arm. And beat yourself to death with your other.

Out of ten this game gets 6. Great family entertainment, but is left gathering cobwebs the rest of the year.

J Stanley

Call of Duty: Black Ops Review

It was time for Treyarch to redeem themselves. All they had to do was choose a better setting, make a story that didn't make you want to gargle nails and a multiplayer that wasn't as one sided as an arm wrestling match between a silver back gorilla and a stick insect. So, they pinned their hopes on Black Ops, a game based in the Cold War, especially the Vietnam War, were you play an American soldier, which is quite a bold move seeing as the Americans lost that war. So, worry about setting yourself up for a fall Treyarch.

As ever I delved straight into the Story mode of the game, and was pleasantly surprised that the story was not only original but showed off characters with depth and a plot line that would make Christopher Nolan organise a suicide pact with James Cameron. However, Treyarch seemed to forget that this was a GAME, and threw in gameplay as an after thought. It seemed to suffer from Metal Gear Solid Syndrome and you couldn't walk two paces without jumping into an un-skippable cut-scene were the protagonist has to rant and groan in the macho way possibly in order to over compensate. I didn't feel so much as I was playing a game as I was watching a movie with interactive parts. In fact they should have just released the story as that. It would have still done exceptionally well.

The multiplayer added new weapons and attachments as ever, but this time solved the issue of 'noobtubes' by adding in a currency system, which actually works. It adds in a new thing to help you feel accomplished about. Along with this they upped the health and lower gun damage and finally removed stopping power, however the game can not be called balanced because they decided that sniper should be about as effective at throwing a damp towel at the enemy. The shot is randomised, even when scoping for a certain time and then the hit box is the size of a fly's wing. But generally I didn't run sniper anyway so this didn't bother me as much. The game is still a fun to play online, but with MW3 dropping later this year I doubt it will be played for much longer. Unless IW rely mess up.

Out of 10 this gets an 8. Not as good as COD4, but would have been with some gameplay in the campaign.

J Stanley

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Review

After World at War, Modern Warfare 2 seemed like a God send. However, out of the ashes rose a beautiful pigeon.

I immediately jumped into the campaign expecting another COD4 style of clear gaming story telling brilliance that stood defiant over the rotting corpse of World of War, alas, it was there, ready to stand defiant but instead started to teeter, topple, but steadied itself on the only thing it could find, Micheal Bay's outstretched hand.  It seems they took a leaf out of his book and added in explosions. Which seeing as Call of Duty's main market is now 13 year olds I can see why because they will perceive a game/movie to be good so long as it involves guns. And Explosions. And People. Getting exploded. With guns. It also seems that they couldn't let their characters die, not even they were clearly dead or dying at the end of COD4, so first Gaz, the guy who was shot point blank to the head, returns as ghost, a special operations soldier who has taking to wearing a balaclava with a skull painted onto the front. Possibly to hide the fact he has a gun shot wound in his face. Also Captain Price returns later in the game, somehow. Even though you can quite clearly see the medic give up on CPR, as he's dead.  Still, I also decided to play the controversial airport mission, which seemed about as necessary as adding a my little pony to a war zone. Well, at least the got media attention, any publicity is good publicity, isn't that right Infinity Ward.

The multiplayer added many new things to weapon customization, including brand new attachments, guns and perks. It also became the most annoying thing on the planet very fast. a good k/d was something of a lucky occurrence for me, with Infinity Wards solution to the one over powered gun problem of World at War. Make every gun over powered and lower peoples health. This made for such fast paced action that I fought my eyes were going to melt Indiana Jones Style. Yet despite this it was actually addicting. The fact that it was so hard to have a good k/d meant that the sense of achievement I felt when it did happen was so jubilant that I thought someone had slipped Crystal Meth into my veins.

Out of ten I give this a 7. Annoyingly addictive. (This is not a compliment IW.) But still, it wasn't hard to be better than it's predecessor.

J Stanley

Call of Duty: World at War Review

Crap.




Ok, I guess I'll have to write more than just that for it to be a review.

In true activation fashion, they took a good product, let someone else take hold of it and drag it through a thorny hedge backwards, into a barbed wire fence and then hacked with a meat cleaver. As you can probably tell I did not enjoy World at War, although at least it had the decency to ditch the numbers so we could forget that we have wasted years on a franchise that has evolved as much as a dodo has over the past eight years.

Lets start off the autopsy by looking at its story/campaign. Based in World War two, as Treyarch didn't get the memo that that time period was hopelessly overdone and that Infinity Ward had realised this two years back and so had made theirs in a modern setting, you are put into the shoes of either a Russian or a American. Because the British had as much to do with the second world war as sponge cake, apparently. Anyway, as the Americans you fight through the pacific against the Japanese. Obviously Treyarch's researchers found out that some of the Japanese at this time like to go kamikaze and run into battle prepared to die at the death of the enemy, and so made EVERY ONE OF THEM run at you screaming bloody murder and ram their freshly sharpened bayonets up your arse, via your left nostril. I can't tell you the amount of times I marched into battle boldly when 7 Japanese soldiers popped out of the earth and straight into my ovaries, so upon respawn I would sneak in after my counterparts have been able to pass through the same area unabated only to find the same soldiers crawling around my insides once more.

As the Russian you play the part of the little soldier who could. Upon first meeting with him, the sniper you meet decides that he's bored of sniping Nazi scum and would rather let this total stranger, luckily named the only Russian name their is, Dimitri, wield the weapon against the grey clad villains. As I went through completing tasks set out by this glorified stereotype of a character, I started to wonder why I didn't just tell him to get stuffed and do his job, it clearly says Sgt. Reznov, Sniper. Anyway as the game progresses you end up doing every role ever, even operate a tank, because this rookie soldier who the story half the time makes out to be someone out of his depth but then tells you to shell 50 billion Nazis to kingdom come, whilst juggling chainsaws, each used to cut through Hitler's defenses, and then use your feet to wrench the fuhrer's head off.

Now, online multiplayer, use the MP40 like everyone else with juggernaut and stopping power if your feeling particularly nasty. This overpowered gift from god himself is able to turn men into chips faster than the death machine in Black Ops.  The entire experience was irritating and about as balanced as a Jenga tower on top of a tightrope in a force 9 gale.

Out of 10 I give it a 5.

'nuff said.

J Stanley.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Review

At the time we got this game I have to admit I wasn't to interested in this title, Halo 3 had me hooked and I was blinded in love to any other wom- i mean game. However as the marriage started to phase out, the honeymoon was dreadful, I started to notice other opportunities on the horizon. It was then that I noticed the spectacularly sculptured shapes of COD 4.

I first delved as I always do into the campaign, and was genuinely pleased with what I found. The story was very well thought out, it was genuinely intense, well scripted and actually felt like the characters were human beings. You felt patriotic as you either blasted in all guns blazing as the US marines, if you are American, in a perfect rendition of Black Hawk Down, if you disagree watch their assault on the Somalian city in search of an evil dictator that is meant to be laying claim to the nation. Then play the mission Charlie Don't Surf. If you notice the similarities well done you can now work at Scotland Yard filling in the post of Chief Detective of all of Britain. My personal sense of patriotism came from the SAS as they were able to both live for all of the game (until the untimely massacre of your squad at the end of the last mission) and the fact they they had a lot more of tactfully aware of their actions and so do not end up nuked to kingdom come.

The online multiplayer is like halo. In no way. Instead of being stuck with one starting weapon and then have to pick up power weapons around the map, you set up a class choosing a primary weapon, (Assault Rifles, SMGs, Shotguns, LMGs and Sniper Rifles) and a pistol. You can also choose perks that help your game and a choice of grenades. I remember the game being very fun with it all seeming fairly well thought out and fun with each class being useful in its own right. That is until some guy with an M16 and stopping power 3 shot bursts you. As long as that thing is on target you will be dead. Period. Also don't try it now, seeing as it is years old and Infinity Ward didn't even support MW2 at launch that much don't think they'll go back and fix the horde of hackers that dominate play. The amount of times I try to go back and play only to get stuck in a unlimited ammo game where you can not move an inch before you have so much grenades launchers aimed your way you wish you were dead. Still, you wish is for filled two nano-seconds later so don't worry about it. Still, the ranking system is effective, if it is annoying to have to slowly work your way up to get the guns you want to use.

All in all COD4 is a solid game, with one of the best campaigns in gaming history and a online multiplayer which was beautifully solid and enjoyable in its prime. 9 out of 10. Perfection has never seemed so close.

Now, wheres my aimbot?

J Stanley

Forza Motorsport 3 Review

To show I enjoy games that don't have to involve guns, and aliens, and thus shooting the face off aliens with a big ass gun I present unto you Forza Motorsport 3, what is to cars as curry is to a painful morning after. I can't comment on a story as, well, there isn't one. Unless you see it as your a man who is so closely attached to his car that he could practically be in a civil partnership with it. You race other mysterious car/unknown being combinations at different locations around the world. However what quickly becomes apparent is that although you visit many locations, you will then visit them again on your next outing, and the next time, and the next time. In fact I got so bored of one track, having driven the 30 odd miles so many times I tried it with my eyes shut, working from memory. I still came first.

But after all of this it is still a superbly good game with a broad and varied car selection that you can either use in races against the other contestants or stock up in your garage to look pretty. By racing the cars you rank them up unlocking better upgrades for them so you can tune them up with the money you also earn, thus improving your car and so bettering your chances at winning. However you can up rank you and your car fairly quickly compared to most games and I had barely leveled up a car before a new better one was unlocked for me by up ranking myself.

Yet despite this, and the ever increasing stock pile of amazing cars, most of which I won't use because there will be once car that is the best all rounder from being upgraded form a b class to a R3. Here I should explain that each car is split into different categories based on the way the perform. The lowest being F and then up to A then R3 to R1. R1 being the Le Mans style super racers to dominate all other cars. Races you play on the season play mode (the campaign style of racing games) are meant to use this a restriction some of the times, however sometimes the restriction is only on the type of car, for example you can have an American Open event when any level car can enter so long as it is of American origin. This seems fine until you play and realise you can use your R1 corvette against B's, C's and F's. This way you have completed the 5 lap race, lapped all of your opponents, given the a good taste of your metaphorically dust, crossed the line, made a beef wellington 5 star meal and made love with 50 beautiful women because you've just got noticed you have two watermelons where your gentleman's vegetable should be, all before they can see the first looming apex.

All in all though it is an enjoyable game, one that deserves a good 7 out of 10 for its troubles.

J Stanley

Halo Reach Review

Bungie's last installment dropped almost a year ago now, and they have left their favourite child with one hell of legacy. Halo Reach combines the best parts of all their titles, a solid campaign, firefight, online multiplayer and of course forge.

The campaign has characters that still suffer from the syndrome as their ODST counter parts, one sided, but at least they have evolved and you do get a glimpse of a 3D character every now and then, and upon most of their untimely deaths I felt a bit sorry for their demise, but that wont last long as you realise their pixels on a t.v. screen. However the story is more exciting that ODST and I found most missions genuinely entertaining. It is perfect and it isn't the best campaign by a long shot but it still is half decent, and compared to ODST this is a Charles Dickens novel.

The firefight has evolved since ODST allowing an insane amount of customising to what type of aliens are after your grapefruits and at which time. You can either play with friends offline or go online and play alongside strangers, although you are given a choice of three game modes on each map, and after a while of every single time arcadefight being selected to play you do go tired of fuel rodding a brute so much he flies off in a comical ragdoll physics manner before landing spread eagled onto your cohorts face.

The Forge mode is back bigger, better and a ton more easier to use. The amount of times Halo 3's forge made me go into a flying rage just because the game decides whether to move the block a small millimetre as it is being commanded or shoot the piece to the other side of the map with such speed you think Usain Bolt has just invaded your game. This time you get a tool which allows for precise positioning. You no longer have to go through an insane task to mold two blocks together or push it through the floor, you just have to set the physics to another setting.

The online multiplayer seems to have slightly better controls in my personal opinion, reload seems better on the x button Halo CE style. The gameplay seems smooth, if it can have some of the same issues as Halo 3 (see snipers and rockets in Halo 3 Review) although grenades seemed to have had an upgrade and now, even though tamed from their beta iterations, still are like mini nukes capable of taking down your shields and half your health if you are even in sight of the damn things. Also if you can shoot an entire AR mag into someone and still have to finish them off, but hit them twice and the keel over faster than salmon, you need to look at your game again. But despite all this the game is still expansively fun and I have lost manner an hour (or even day) on Halo Reach, especially with the addition of Challenges both of Daily and Weekly variety which allows you to earn credits by completing the specified task. Which leads me to the next improvement Halo Reach offers.

The ranking system is a lot better than Halo 3 with it not being a complicated system of skill points AND exp. but based on your overall collection of credits. The gap between ranks seem to be of almost decent length with me feeling a sense of achievement when the scroll bar rolls over into the next rank, to which your customised character gives you a salute for your troubles, the ungrateful (REDACTED).

Out of ten I give the game a 9. An almost perfect Halo title, and despite all it's faults, you can't help but love it. It's like a faithful Labrador, always there, always willing, always at your side, but stills has the ability to shit on your front lawn.

J Stanley

Halo 3 ODST Review

Originally meant as an expansion to Halo 3, ODST released as a full title and quite frankly, shouldn't have been worth full full retail price as they charged. Set during the Halo 2 time line as the covenant attack New Mombassa, you swap out the super soldier spartan that you have become used to and close to for three games now for a rookie ODST and his cliche squad members, all of whom you wish would go the way of the REACH squad members and have an untimely death but to no avail. The one sided cardboard characters cling to their pointless lives like a death threatening illness.

The story is meant to be a 'noire detective' style game as you try to piece together what happened to your squad mates, but quite frankly if I were the rookie I wood rejoice at the disappearance of these pointless cut-outs and regroup with the UNSC fleet and mark them as KIA, as even when the showed up it would be hard to know the difference without taking a pulse.

As you can probably tell I felt the story to be lack-luster and at times rather boring. The only thing that kept me partially engaged was the new firefight horde mode where wave after wave of psychopathic covenant bad guys came to tear you limb from limb, although even that got boring soon. Without a proper online multiplayer and engaging campaign it was an overall lack luster experience. In fact I can barely write another word on it. The only thing that has defiled the Halo franchise more is Halo Wars, and we need not talk about that.

Out of ten I rate this game a 6. good soundtrack, slightly captivating horde mode but a story that only a six year old could have written.

J Stanley

Halo 3 Review

The halo series is acclaimed as one of the best first person shooters for the console era. Providing an ever expansive story that grew into a universe encompassing not only games but books, animated series and machinima. And Halo 3 was the conclusion to the original trilogy that brought the world the Master Chief.

It had a lot to live up to, an ever growing network of fans were always praying to get their hands on the 2007 release title and it couldn't come soon enough. When it eventually arrived in stores with a rush the crowds went mad and copies were snatched up like hot cakes.

The story leaves off where Halo 2's ended. It was time to finish the fight. After crash landing in what could be a jungle you have to aid sergeant Johnson, who is conveniently there to help out and his band of merry soilders A.I. followers who get into crazy antics like getting captured by a brute chieftain. However, despite it being a game that had me so absorbed the world was merely an annoyance, I realise, playing back the campaign after a two year break, that the your A.I. counter parts are not the brightest of bunnies. They seem to have got so caught up in the fact you are an unstoppable super soldier that they are more than happy to cause about as much threat to the covenant as a paper areoplane and will without fail sit back and watch a hunter merrily ram it's shield up your arse. Still other than that the controls are fairly decent and intuitive and the story had me gripped through out the game, although that could just be the twelve year old me talking.

The online multiplayer was very well balanced with guns not feeling at all unbalanced. In reality though the BR with it's 3 shot burst in skilled hands will kill you in seconds, the sniper which I could personally never use, not then and not now even after 4 years experience, yet I could be sniped in what even position whether I was leaping through the air, manning a warthog or just battling it out on foot by some prick who would then boast about not even using the scope. (See enclosed http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJV202TpGrY ) the rockets although limited could wreck your face up. However, desipte all of this, and the fact vehicles are a death trap, the game online is genuinely fun and addicting. I remember many happy hours spent playing all different game modes and never having the same experience twice, kinda. Although the ranking system is a load of (REDACTED). 

Out of 10 I give this game a solid 8. Despite it's issues I found this a very good game that really brought me into the world of gaming. With an encompassing story, an excellent multiplayer and backing and support from one of the best developers out there, Halo 3 is the conclusion the series needed and deserved.

A shame ODST had to ruin it then.....

J Stanley

And For Starters.....

Welcome to my latest delve into the world of gaming, this time bringing you news and views of games. From here you will be able to find details on such games as Battlefield 3, MW3 and Mass Effect 3, although other numbers are available. To start off I thought I would review my current gaming library so readers can get to know what games I am personally into. However I should stress that the games I list in my library are not the only games I like or enjoy playing, it's just I am not fortunate to own.

Also I should stress, there will be NO World of Warcraft, Starcraft, DOTA or similar on this blog. I apologise, I am sure they are good games in there own rights however I personally have no experience in this area of gaming, (MMORPG's etc.) and so would not feel it right for me to comment on them.

Anyway, I shall start my review of my game library with one of my favourite games, if not series, even despite it's faults, it stood by me in hard times. Halo 3.

J Stanley